It’s interesting to me how people can make an impression that they have NO clue they made. A few weeks ago Lucky and I were coming back from our morning walk when we ran into our friend Gale. She was sitting on a bench over looking the magnificent Laguna Beach shore line (yes I brag a bit). We decided to sit and chat for awhile.
Soon a couple, I’m assuming was in their 70s, were walking towards us wearing exactly the same outfit. They looked great!!!! Not a cheesy, matchy match ensemble, but rather nice khakis, coordinating plaid shirts and complementing Patagonia fleece vests. I could hear ZZ Top strike a chord…
Being the shy gal I am I stopped them “Excuse me… do you always dress alike?” They said yes. I asked them how it happened and they explained it had started about 13 years ago, a few years after they got together. She had picked out a shirt for him that she liked herself and decided to get one too. It snowballed from there. He said she picks out most of their outfits. She has impeccable taste; his eyes twinkled.
I hadn’t noticed they were holding hands until we said our goodbyes and they walked away. They had such a peaceful stride. I felt a tinge of envy watching the connection between them.
Since then I’ve been thinking about what it takes to create a bond between two people that declares in every moment I am one half of a whole. I know the buzz words – be vulnerable, be open, be willing. Yet I think it takes more. What I saw between that couple was a deep kindness and reverence for each other. I saw two people who cherished one another.
How did they get there? What permissions did they give themselves to be that willing to experience the potential pitfalls – loss, rejection, and a host of others?
Here’s what I came up:
I think age has something to do with it. The idea that time is finite and the more time we have under our matching belts the less time we have ahead.
I think it has to do with being kind. Literally just being a kind person. And if someone isn’t kind to me, I get to be kind to myself regardless.
I think it has to do with being your authentic self – all the nooks and crannies. I’m not talking “this is me, take it or leave it.” I’m talking this is me as a single person and I’m willing to see who I am as I compromise into couplehood.
I think its about being aware of how I show up when my partner isn’t at his/her best. Am I willing to let my partner be fabulously flawed? I guess this part is about forgiveness. Forgiveness, for me, puts the past in the past and doesn’t rehash every flaw. In that respect it’s also about self-love; treating my partner the way I want to be treated when I’m not at my best.
Love is all about choice. Every day I get to make that choice.
Have a great week.
In light and with love,
Teri Hunter 949 | 715.4175 http://www.terihunter.com